Waiting Eagerly

"And not only this, but also we ourselves, having the first fruits of the Spirit, even we ourselves groan within ourselves, waiting eagerly for our adoption as sons, the redemption of our body." (Romans 8:23)

I probably wouldn't go so far as to say that this is my favourite Bible verse, but it is certainly one that has become very precious and deeply personal to me over the years. In general as well, but with regard to my same-sex attraction in particular. When I read it, something in me immediately goes, "Yes, this is true. This is the kind of brokenness and wretchedness I feel every single day of my life." That's a good start. I like it when God's word and my lived experience are in such profound agreement, because – if I'm honest – that's not always the case.

But there is more in this passage than just a divine acknowledgement of my less-than-ideal present condition. There is a promise here too. And a great one at that – the kind that seems, at least to me, almost too good to be true. Or perhaps it would be more accurate to say that the prospect of what is promised here feels so foreign to my everyday experience of battling with unwanted desires that I find it hard, not so much to believe, but to imagine a future in which I'm not attracted to the same sex. But that's exactly what this text is telling me: "One day, your struggle will be over. Completely and permanently over. And you will have your reward."

But before I understood what this verse actually meant, it kept me puzzled for quite some time. It appeared at first sight to say something that contradicted what I had read before in other parts of the New Testament. It looked like this passage was saying that I'm supposed to be waiting for what I already have, namely adoption and redemption. That was odd, but as it sometimes happens, it is precisely the most confusing parts of Scripture that – once untangled and understood – turn out to be the most precious in the end. So much so that they remain with you in a deep and personal way for the rest of your life. For me, this text is a prime example of that.

Our Adoption as Sons

Paul says we're waiting eagerly for our adoption as sons. But why? I thought as Christians we have been adopted by God already. I thought this was one of the greatest truths of our faith – that we are children of God now. I don't even have to go very far from this verse to see that in the Bible. It's right there a few sentences earlier: "you have received a spirit of adoption as sons" (v. 15). Not will receive, but have received. Paul uses the perfect tense for a reason: it's done. So why does he say here that we're waiting, and eagerly so, for something that we already have?

Well, I hold firmly to the inerrancy of Scripture, so I believe that somehow both statements are true at the same time. There is a real sense in which we have been adopted already, and there is another, equally real sense in which we are still waiting for our adoption. But what are these two senses, and what do they actually mean in practice?

I think Paul added the last bit of this passage to clarify and specify what he meant. The natural reading of the text suggests that the second phrase (the redemption of our body) is not another reality to be waiting for, but an explanation of the meaning of the first (our adoption as sons) by expressing it in different terms. But still, the question remains: What does it mean?

The Redemption of Our Body

Although the new phrase does provide a fresh perspective, the main problem is still the same: the New Testament clearly teaches that Christians are redeemed now (Galatians 3:13-14; 1 Peter 1:17-19 – note the past tense that both Paul and Peter use to describe the redemptive work of Christ on our behalf). So it still looks like we're supposed to be waiting for something that we already have – only the terms have changed from adoption to redemption. But on closer inspection, I think this new language is more helpful than it first seems.

To redeem means to free by the payment of a ransom (G629). Therefore, redemption makes little sense unless there is some kind of slavery involved. Considering the immediate context of verse 23, this slavery is without a doubt the futility and corruption of the creation (vv. 20-21). And our bodies – being part of the created and now fallen world – are not exempt from the groaning and suffering that this produces, even though the seeds of the new creation have already been planted in us and started growing, and we have the first fruits of the Spirit as a glorious result of that (vv. 22-23).

So the body, which is basically the vessel in and through which we exist, act and conduct ourselves in the world, is still tainted with sin. To such an extent that, although as Christians we are called to wage war against its fleshly deeds (v. 13), Paul says "the body [even of born-again believers] is dead because of sin" (v. 10). The new is truly here in the form of its first fruits, but there is still an unredeemed part of us lingering on and causing us to "groan within ourselves" until the promise of verse 23 is fulfilled, and we receive the redemption of our body from sin and death in full. That's what awaits us all who have the Spirit of Christ and thus belong to Him (vv. 9-11). That's what we're waiting for so eagerly.

Already but Not Yet

With that in mind, I think the language of adoption makes more sense now. We have been adopted already in the sense that we truly belong to God as His children, and He loves us and treats us as such. But we are still waiting for our adoption in the sense that the children of God are to be perfect and holy (Matthew 5:48; 1 Peter 1:14-16), not just positionally in the sight of God, but also practically in character and conduct. And as glorious as it is that every Christian enjoys the former, it's probably needless to say that, as of yet, none of us has attained to the latter. But we will when Christ returns (Philippians 3:20-21), because He who began a good work in us will perfect it until His day (Philippians 1:6).

Now, on the one hand, the scope of this promise is so broad and general that it applies to every possible sin, temptation, and weakness – which is absolutely astounding if you think about it: not a trace of this fallen world will remain in us when Christ is finished with His supreme work of redemption. But as a same-sex-attracted believer, this universal truth resonates with me on a very specific and very personal level too.

It tells me that my sexual brokenness and the pain of having to live with ungodly and therefore unfulfilled desires will come to a complete and permanent end someday. The Lord has set a time when my same-sex attraction – along with everything else that's still unredeemed in me – will be done away with forever. I will be changed in the twinkling of an eye, and what I've struggled with all my life will be gone in a moment (1 Corinthians 15:51-52). That's almost inconceivable to me. But it's coming. It is as certain as the resurrection of Christ. One day, I will see my God face to face, and nothing will ever again hinder me from enjoying Him with a pure and undivided heart. I will spend an eternity of eternities tracking down greater and greater manifestations of His infinite glory and living in the ever-increasing joy of worshipping Him for who He is and what He has done for me.

But until then, in this temporal overlap of the ages, in this strange season of "already but not yet", as long as the Lord enables me to "remain and continue with you all for your progress and joy in the faith" (Philippians 1:25), my goal is to fulfil the ministry that I have received from Him. And although my same-sex attraction often feels like a stumbling block to this purpose, it is in fact the very thing that God has most used in my life to change me and shape me into the kind of person that I need to be, not only to do His work, but also to attain to my ultimate good, which is conformity to the image of His Son (Romans 8:28-30).

The Sun Is Rising

Already but not yet – that's what the Waiting Eagerly logo symbolises as well: it's an image of the rising sun. It captures the dark and unredeemed side of this age, along with the bright and sure hope that Christ is coming and His reward is with Him (Revelation 22:12).

To me, this is probably the greatest promise in the Bible. I'm saying that because there are times when this is the only one I can hold on to. There are days when self-denial feels so difficult and carrying on in the path of obedience feels so costly that nothing else can sustain me. In such dry seasons of my soul, Paul Washer's words encourage and revive me with this very promise:

"Sometimes the only thing that will ever keep you going is that He has risen, He has risen indeed! He has risen indeed, your sins are gone! He has risen indeed, the world has a Saviour! He has risen indeed, the universe has a King! He has risen! And one day, with a shout, with the voice of the archangel, with the trumpet call of God, you will too. And I can't wait to see your beauty on that day."

I don't want to boast, because all my strength comes from the Lord, but in my struggle against same-sex attraction, it's not at all hard for me to fix my hope completely on the grace to be brought to me at the revelation of Jesus Christ (1 Peter 1:13). Not because I'm so godly that I can keep this command perfectly, but because God has not promised to deliver me from this brokenness anytime sooner. But on that day, when the Lord Jesus is revealed from heaven with His mighty angels in flaming fire, I will be relieved of this affliction forever (2 Thessalonians 1:7). This is not wishful thinking. This is Christian hope founded upon the very person and character of God "with whom there is no variation or shifting shadow" (James 1:17). The only reason it's called hope is that it's still future and therefore still unseen:

"For in hope we have been saved, but hope that is seen is not hope; for who hopes for what he already sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, with perseverance we wait eagerly for it." (Romans 8:24-25)

The ultimate question is the same for all of us: Do we really believe that? Because only then can we be truly waiting for it. May the grace of God awaken and sustain such faith in all of our hearts.